The mp3 of “Tragically Unflawed” is online now! Woop woop! Take a listen!

And here are the lyrics, since they are rather hard to understand on the recording:

As far as I can remember, my most sought after goal
Was to become a tortured artist, with a dark and brooding soul
But woe, I am a cursed thing, my dream flew out of sight
When I realized that my dreadful fate was a life that is… all right.
What comes from being born to parents who spared the rod?
A struggling tortured artist, who is tragically unflawed!
I’m tragically unflawed!

It’s hard to rebel against a life that’s full of hate
When really my entire life has been nothing but great.
Other artists create from a lifetime filled with pain,
But look at me, I’m desperately, incurably sane!
When other people talk of agony, all I can do is nod
Because I’m utterly despairingly tragically unflawed!
I’m tragically unflawed!

when I was a child my father didn’t beat on his wife
which led to an utter lack of violence and strife
my mother never stabbed my father repetedly with a knife
and as a result I’ve never been mentally scarred for life!
Look at me, crushed by the weight of all these gifts from God
it’s difficult to be depressed when you’re tragically unflawed!
I’m tragically unflawed!

You can’t imaging how difficult it is to sit alone and brood
When everything up till now has all been pretty good.
What I wouldn’t give to have been born without a head
Or have a single member of my immediate family dead?
And one day I hope to overcome some sort of odd
Because I’m excruciatingly torturously tragically unflawed!
I’m tragically unflawed!

And that’s it for the mp3s that will be online from the album. The rest of the songs will just have snippets online so that people can make sure the rest of the songs are of the same high quality as these three.

For those interested in the GuyWithTheCoat music charts, while it looked like last month’s #1 hit single (so-named because it was the most downloaded audio file) “IM me ur <3″ is losing its lead for this month’s top spot. Up until today it was well ahead of the (appropriately) #2 song, “Even #1 Goes #2,” but today they are tied with 28 downloads each. Who will come out on top? The winner will be announced tomorrow (and who knows - if more than 28 people download “Tragically Unflawed” before midnight, there could be a huge upset in the GWTC Music Charts. That’s why the music industry is so exciting, you see.

I spent all afternoon re-scanning my play pictures (and a bunch that were never scanned) so that all the pictures that I shrank down to be easily downloaded by slow modems (back in the day when 28.8 was fast) could now be seen in higher quality. See: http://www.guywiththecoat.com/playpics/

In other news, my sister is in Oregon for a couple days, and then she is in Chicago for the weekend - that means that I have a house not full of loud young’ns for the rest of the week! WOOOO! Finally, I’ll be able to get back to my album. My brain has just been popping up with all these songs, and I find that if I don’t record rough versions of them quickly, I forget them. The new partial songs are: “Rebelling Against Rebellion,” “Champaigne Promises,” and “Wholesale Warrior.” Of course, there were plenty of other brilliant tunes that have been lost forever due to my forgetting them. Oh well - perhaps I will remember them again, but think I am thinking of them for the first time since I forgot whatever the songs were that I thought of the first time.

That last sentence made me tired writing it, so that’s all for now. Good day.

Yesterday and today I was at the Palisades retreat center attending a retreat (as opposed to working, as I am most days). Most of the time it was rather dull - it was for kids of people that are in the deacon program, but the trouble is that most of the kids are either really little, or else mid-teen aged (14-17). I was the only person between 17 and… old. And all the mid-teenagers were way too cool to be there, and complained the whole time. So most of the time it wasn’t so much fun. But on the plus side, I did enjoy arts & crafts time (we painted on bags) and other little kid activities. And last night was Family Fun Night, and everyone played ‘Bunco’ - a dice game similar to yahtzee, but with only three dice rather than five. Because I was tied for the most ‘buncos’, I won a smiley face volleyball. And the food was good - one of the deacon candidates owns Pagliacci Pizza, so there were mountains of pizzas last night (and we brought three leftover pizzas home). And now for pictures:

Pretty views from the retreat center:

The Forest View Conference Center (where we spent most of the retreat)

The hornets that also stayed at the Forest View

My smiley face volleyball.

My painted bag. I’m saying “This is my bag, baby!,” the old man is saying “Even though I’m old, I like how hip this bag is!,” and the red face guy is saying “Boy is my face red!”

John Kerry will be having a rally tomorrow morning at the Tacoma Dome, and I’d like to go if I could find someone to go along with. So if you’re in the Seattle area and want to go see John Kerry tomorrow (Saturday the 27th at 9:30am) call me on the cell phone (because the home phone is clogged by me being on the internet to post this) or on the instant messenger: cantante comico.

And now on to other things. First of all, I have just watched a couple hours of Ali G videos I downloaded from the internet, and the language ‘as started to rub off on me, in’it? I mean, watchin’ these vids for such a long time, don’ you think that I’s likely to start talkin’ like this guy Ali G? No disrespeck or nuffin, but I think, I mean, if I wanna talk like Ali G, isn’t that a biological human right, like in the fif ammenment or somefin like dat? Fo’ real.

This week has been rather off for me. On Tuesday when I got home from work after spending four hours out in the cold and rain, I noticed that I was feeling a bit ill, and the longer the day went on, the worse and worse it got, so that I ended up skipping barbershop, and then skipping work and ‘Rent’ on Wednesday, and then going to work on Thursday but leaving after an hour so I could sleep for a few hours (even though I had gone to bed early the night before).

The good news is that I’ve been taking flintstones vitamins and drinking orange juice and resting, and so today I feel better, and I went to work all day, and then went to lunch with one of my future roommates (Rudolph) and his girlfriend at the mall. That was a fun time, although we aren’t really into the same kinds of things at all (different interests, types of music, movies, etc) so I don’t know if he’s who I’ll end up rooming with, but even if I do, I much prefer Rudolph to Eugene, so the housing situation looks bright already.

Before I got sick I recorded ‘Tragically Unflawed,’ but I think I can get a better recording of it, so I’m not posting it online until I get one that I’m happy with - probably late Sunday, since I’ll be at a retreat most of tomorrow and Sunday). I posted a track list a little while ago of songs I planned to have on the album, but I have since changed my mind about most of them. So I’ll fix the track list later as well. One of the songs to be cut is “George W. Bush is a Ninny and John Kerry is a Horse.” It’s fun, but I figure it’ll only be good until this November, and since I want the album to be just as good in ten million years, I shouldn’t have such time-sensitive material on there. But since you shouldn’t be denied the entertainment, here’s how it goes:

(kind of half sung, half chanted)
George W. Bush is a great big Ninny!
He’s got a lot of money but he isn’t worth a penny!
When it comes to brains, he hasn’t got any
cuz George W. Bush is a Great Big Ninny!

And then I’d make a comment about not wanting to be partisan, so I’d sing:

(to the tune of the Mr. Ed theme)
John Kerry’s a Horse, of course, of course
and you’d never vote for a horse, of course,
unless, of course, the other choice (said to rhyme with horse)
is GEORGE W. BUSH! (and then repeat the Ninny song again).

Yes, the incredibal wit is endless. Perhaps if I go see Kerry tomorrow I’ll sing the George Bush is a Ninny song, and it’ll be on TV and become a national craze.

And speaking of songs that incite anger, and what led to my hours of Ali G, I heard on the radio a clip from Da Ali G Show of Borat getting a redneck bar to sing a song about throwing Jews down a well, and I haven’t been able to get the song out of my head since. Even after listening to so many other catchy songs, all I have in my head is ‘Throw the Jew down the well”

And now, a political observation: I’ve heard a lot of “liberals” lately talking about how John Kerry isn’t really so different from George W. Bush, and so they’re going to vote for Bush because at least they know what he stands for and stuff. I think this is ridiculous - but these Liberals for Bush gave me an idea: Conservatives for Kerry! I say if you’re in a group where there are many conservatives, loudly talk about how you’re a conservative, and how you think George W. Bush is such a ninny.

Here’s an example loud statement: “Boy, I tell you what: I’m a conservative, but the politcal climate in this country is such that I’m almost afraid to admit it anymore! Why, I remember the days when ‘conservative’ was something to be proud of - a sane alternative to those left wing wackos, but today, under George W. Bush’s leadership, it’s like we’re pushed to the far extreme. That’s why I’m voting for John Kerry - he’s a conservative democrat, unlike that bum Clinton! Boy, Clinton wrecked everything for this country, and left George W. Bush the mess to clean up. As much as I love George W. Bush, I can see that the only way we can get this country back on the conservative path it needs to be on is to elect a conservative who will appeal to the liberals in this country - and that’s Kerry! That’s why I’m a Conservative for Kerry!”
Feel free to use that speech, (adapted as you like).
Since this post has been uber political, I shall now have a Moment of Frivolity!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! (I say as I spin around in my chair)
That was it. Now both the moment of frivolity, and this post, are over.

Today I went with my family to the Renaissance Fantasy Faire in Gig Harbor. Despite the rain, it was a fun time (although much less professional than the one we went to during the family reunion - this one was all tents rather than actual buildings and such). And here are some lovely pictures (woo hoo for digital cameras!)

The outside of the fair (AKA the parking lot)

The inside of the fair. Be sure to notice the elf balancing a hammer on the right.

High adventure can be found in fencing matches. But do be careful, because…

period-style fighting is all fun and games…

… until somebody breaks a nose (and somebody else breaks character)

the Fire Eater that never actually ate any fire.

The same fire eater, juggling swords.

a Jouster leaving the battlefield.

Another jouster sitting on a horse.

Yet another jouster - this one is ELDERLY!

More danger and excitement with another sword fight.

viking statue

A trio of singing wenches who sang all sorts of dirty renaissance tunes (that would put Xtina to shame!)

Tonight I got a digital camera! Woohoo! To celebrate, I took a bunch of pictures of myself (as well as an easy way to get flashed on the street, and the lasagna that I made for dinner):





Welcome to the first picture post on this new blog! Last night was such a superfantastic night that I decided that it really should not go un-photographed, so I used the worlds best camera - *my mind* - to take a pile of pictures, and now you can look at them all and live the excitement of the night from the safety of your own computer.
It all began in the afternoon, when Stefan and Kathleen picked me up in Stefan’s ‘Pick Up’ Truck.

The evening’s plan was to drive up to Seattle and see ‘Garden State’, followed by a dinner and dancing party that was going on at the Pike Place Market. Fortunately, that plan fell apart, and we improvised the evening as we went, and it ended up way better than if we had followed our schedule.

The movie we were to see started at 4:15, and that would have been fine if it weren’t for a few small glitches: #1 - “President” Bush was in Seattle last night “stumping” for votes (but why he would come here ’stumps’ me!), so many of the major roads were closed, which caused much traffic.

But that would not have been so bad, because we planned ahead for it, so we got to the theater about ten minutes before the movie started. That would have been about perfect, if it weren’t for glitch #2 - Kathleen thinking that the movie was at the wrong theater. So it was really an example of being in the wrong place at the right time.

The theater we were at was in the U-district, where there’s fun stuff to do, so we walked around for a couple hours (because the next movie started at 7). Among the fun things we did was going to a gyro place and watching the hurricane in Florida on Television, and noting how it was a bad day for people wearing orange coats.

When we were over in the area of the right movie theater we stopped by the erotic bakery, where everything was too naughty to put a picture of on here (so I’m putting a link to the picture instead).
Erotic Bakery
And then it was time for the movie - ‘Garden State.’ Steve met us at the movie theater so he could see it as well, and I, feeling thirsty, decided to partake of a beverage. For $4. Granted, it was a large beverage, and delicious (half fruit punch, half sprite), but come on - $4? Sheesh. For that money I could have seen Steve Martin perform in San Francisco when he recorded his ‘Let’s Get Small’ record.

The movie went on - and boy was it great. I laughed, I cried. I didn’t hurl, because it wasn’t Wayne’s World. At the end we all agreed that it was fantastic, and Stefan and I were even competing to see who could give it the most thumbs up (I won with 5).

We left the movie theater and began our drive to Pike Place Market for dinner and live music and dancing. We parked our car in a pay lot with a long list of rules on it, the last one being “NO IN N OUT.” I made the joke that all I wanted to do was eat a hamburger, and they shouldn’t infringe on my rights. I later figured out that they weren’t really talking about the hamburger place - I’m not going to spell it out, because I think we all know what ‘in n out’ refers too…

So we climbed up the stairs to street level, and were about to join in the festivities, but THE MAN stopped us at the gate, and said we needed to buy tickets to get in. So we asked how much were tickets and the man said they were sold out. This was, of course, after we had paid for parking just minutes before. So here we were at the Pike Place Market without a thing to do. Since we had not eaten dinner, we decided to find a restaurant that was still open (the selection was surprisingly thin, considering it was only 9:30 on Friday night).

Kathleen was pretty sure there was supposed to be a good hole-in-the-wall restaurant somewhere in the area, so we decided to seek it out. As we were seeking it, we saw an odd site on the horizon – George W. Bush’s giant face on a giant body holding a television screen listing off his lies. This giant version of the president was a sort of float, and as it drove it got stopped at a stop light right near where we were standing, and then we could see the true brilliance of this float – fake flames flowing from the back of his pants, with large signs on each side of the float: “LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE” and “DON’T GET BURNED AGAIN!” It was the greatest float ever (Note: I don’t approve of setting people on fire, but if it’s a fake giant George W. Bush, I’ll allow it.)

We walked around looking for the restaurant for a while longer, and then we found Post Alley (where the restaurant could have been.) We did not find the restaurant, but the alley itself was quite amazing - it looked like it was taken directly out of some movie. And one side of the alley was covered with chewing gum stuck to the wall.

At the far side of the alley, we saw a line of people outside of the Market Theater, so we went to see what they were waiting for - a theatersports (improv) show! Since we four are theater folks, we leapt at the chance to see the improv, and so we went to the show, where for two hours we laughed and laughed at the wild antics of the theatersports teams.

After that show we were all mighty hungry, but we were also tired, so we drove back to Federal Way, where we were going to grab some fast food and go to the boardwalk and eat it and walk around and stuff. But by the time we got to FW, it was well after 1 am, so we decided to call it a night, and what a night it was.

I am writing to you tonight from my bedroom, where I am slouching in my comfy chair with my keyboard perched upon my knee (which makes it difficult for me to type). Oy, what a week it has been. At no point this summer have I been so alternately lazy and busy - due to weather weather last week I had to leave work a few hours early a couple days, and so since then I’ve had to work extra long hours to make up for it at the Palisades. And then when I got home, after collapsing from exhaustion for a little while, I would work on the e-travels with e. trules site. And then, after a nap, or perhaps watching a movie, I would work on my novel, or update my website (I put up a few new poems, and the abusive fish stick story the other day), and write more music. Or all three. so I’ve been crazy tired lately. But the good news is that this week I also got paid for both jobs, so I got to put almost $400 in the bank - woo hoo! I was considering all the things I could buy, but then I remembered that I’m saving for college, so rather than buying a digital camera or a new camcorder or other big-ticket items, I instead got the much-anticipated Kids in the Hall DVD set. Hooray! So it’s been quite a KITH marathon here the past few days - and i’m not even halfway through the second disc (there are 4 DVDs in the set)
I’ve noticed that not many people are downloading ‘Even #1 goes #2′ - if you haven’t heard it, you are missing out, if I do say so myself. Here’s that address again: Even #1 Goes #2. IM me ur <3, on the otherhand, is continuing to be a #1 hit single, with quite a few downloads, and even a few people that I don’t know somehow found it and posted links to it on various webpages. Still no result for it on a google search tho… in time, in time.

Bernard Sheldon, the Abusive Talking Fish Stick
by Nathaniel Jones

Mr. Bernard Sheldon walked across the waiting room to the cherry pine desk, un-noticed by the secretary seated behind it. After a few more moments of ignorance, Mr. Sheldon cried “Please! For the love of God! LOOK AT ME!”
The receptionist peered over the side of the desk and looked at him. She was not sure what to say, because she had never seen a talking fish stick before.
“um… Are you a fish stick?”
“Yes! Yes! I am a fish stick. Ha ha ha – a talking fish stick, how bizarre and freaky. I know. I was surprised myself when I first noticed it. But here’s something: it gets old. I’m a fish stick, you’re a person. La-dee-da, lets get on with our lives.”
“um… you’re a fish stick…”
The fish stick slapped the receptionist across the face. The fish stick is an abusive asshole, which he became after many years of being looked down on because of his fish sticky nature.
“Sonofabitch! I just went over this! I want to make an appointment with the good doctor in there for next Tuesday, if that is at all possible.”
“What should I put down for you? ‘Fish stick at three o’clock?’”
“Ha ha! You could put down Mr. Bernard Sheldon at three o’clock, because that’s my name, but you didn’t bother to ask me that, did you?”
“I wasn’t aware that fish sticks have names.”
“And I wasn’t aware that secretaries were such bitches.”
After a brief staredown between Mr. Sheldon and the secretary, the abusive talking fish stick let out an exasperated sigh and stormed out in a huff, and, unluckily for him, wandered straight into the path of a toddler that hadn’t eaten, and faster than you can say ‘pass the tartar,’ Mr. Bernard Sheldon was on the long unpleasant road to the youngsters diaper.
And that is why you should always be nice to secretaries, and eat fish sticks before they grow up to be embittered and abusive.

This is what I’ve been spending my free time lately doing: a flash episode of ‘e-travels with e. trules.’ I’ve been doing the e-travels site since this last winter, but this time trules decided he wanted to have the story turned into a flash movie, and so here it is:
http://www.etravelswithetrules.com/unitedstates/deadwood/

Song #2 (appropriately) from the Cantante Comico CD: http://www.guywiththecoat.com/1goes2.mp3

In other news, last night I bought a DVD-r drive so I can make the CD/DVD set. It’s an internal drive, tho, so I had to take my computer all apart to install it. The thing is, I don’t know anything about taking computers apart, so I was taking out screws all over the place, and yanking and tugging at the panels to get the thing apart - buttons were flying off, and wires got all disconnected… it was frightening. But in the end I got everything put back together, and I know I did a good job of it, because I even had some parts left over once it was all set up. One odd thing is that now to turn on the power, rather than pressing the ‘power’ button the way I used to, now I have to press the ‘reset’ button. I guess a couple of those wires that got disconnected didn’t get put back quite right…
I had a good weekend - on Friday I went up to Mountlake Terrace with my sister and a couple of her friends. They all went to see ‘The Village,’ while I went to see ‘Napolean Dynomite.’ If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. Also while in Mountlake Terrace we visited the Tour de Terrace festival, and I rode on The Zipper for the first time in many many years. I don’t know if the guy running it was making it go slow, or if I just remember it as being much more wild, but it seemed incredibally tame, even compared to The Orbiter that I went on right afterwards. Oh well - after the fest, we went up to Shari’s because Anjulene was working there. It was fun times seeing her, but trouble was, since she was working, she could only stop by our table every once in a while to chat, while pretending like we were conducting official Shari’s Business. I’ll have to go back up when she’s not working till 3am.
Also this weekend I saw ‘Millers Crossing’ for the first time, so now I think I only have to see ‘Blood Simple’ and ‘The Ladykillers’ before I’ll have seen every coen brothers movie ever made.
Oo - last week I went to a Democratic Convention party to listen to John Kerry’s speech. I officially say now that I’m a Kerry supporter rather than just a non-Bush supporter. If any of you haven’t seen the speech, I recommend finding the video online and watching it. In case you’re thinking ‘I don’t know, Kerry doesn’t really excite me very much…’ I think the speech should convince you he’s a good candidate.
That’s it for now. B’bye.