Today is my birthday, and in celebration, here is a blog post in the shape of a cake! (note: I started to type this post in an elaborately planned cake shape, but soon lost interest, and so not it is a post in the shape of a cake shaped as a post, and it is shaped like a post so well that you may not be able to discern the cake-like aspects at all. What a great cake-skill I have!)

To start it out, here are pictures from Seattle (starting out with pictures of the cathedral from the ordination, and then Snoqualmie falls, and then pictures from downtown seattle / the space needle.

I got back from Washington on Tuesday, and went straight from the airport to barbershop rehearsal, because the plane got in an hour later than it was scheduled, so there was some hectic figuring out where to meet Leroy (the guy I carpool with). He ended up picking me up at a mcdonalds so as to save the time that it would have taken me to continue the bus ride south, just to have to drive back north again. It was a good rehearsal, and my first chance to hear the songs sung with the Sweet Adeline chorus that we’re sharing the concert with. Also, I was awarded a certificate in a fancy frame declaring me an official member of the chorus, and I got a new fancy barbershop society lapel pin (apparently they are no longer using the name SPEBSQSA on their pins and membership cards, instead using the easier to pronounce “Barbershop Harmony Society.”

Wednesday I went around looking at furniture places around, as my parents are going to get me some new furniture for my apartment. Hoorah! I also went out to lunch, and had my orientation at the place I work, which will not be named because I signed a form that said that I would not use the name of the company on any blog or website. So, from now on, I will use the code name ‘Where “I” Work’, noting that the “I” is backwards. I actually start work there tomorrow, when I’ll be doing a five-to-close shift. And then Saturday I’m working from 8-2, giving me just enough time to grab some food before going up north for the Austin Chord Rangers Christmas Show.

As I mentioned, today was my birthday, and I had an adventureful one. My original plan was to have a lazer tag party, but that is being postponed for a little while, as by the time I found out that I had enough people to sign up for a party, it was too late to make a reservation. So instead, we all went to see Showgirls 2.0, a screening of the movie “Showgirls” with commentary by David Schmader, a writer from “The Stranger” in Seattle. It was quite amusing - rather than gags throughout the movie MST3K style, he would instead pause the movie and suggest some things to look out for in the coming scene, point out common themes that ran through the movie (i.e. women eating chips), read passages from the director’s book about what he was trying to accomplish with certain scenes (which would then be hillarious when compared to the scene he was describing), and at times he would replay portions just so we could all enjoy how bad they were (such as this great exchange between the two leading ladies:

Cristal Connors: Long time ago. Doggy Chow. I used to love Doggy Chow.
Nomi Malone: I used to love Doggy Chow, too!
[Cristal and Nomi touch their chips together]

While the movie was entertaining, the adventure was all before then: it started out as I tried to go to Red Robin to get my free birthday meal. I took one bus to Westlake Mall, and according to the capmetro page, I should have waited ten minutes and then caught the next bus that would take me to Red Robin. However, after nearly thirty minutes of waiting, I decided that I had better instead just pick up something at the central market (which is just north of the Westlake Mall). It’s important to note that at this point, I had been texting Meghan to figure out where I should meet them to go see the movie, and my battery was running low. So the plan was to pick up some food, take it back to the apartment, charge the phone, eat the food, find a bus up north, and then go. However, about halfway between the store and my apartment, both of the handles ripped off of one of my bags of food. So I balanced that bag on the scooter and went a few feet further, when one of the handles on the other bag tore off. So then I was trying to keep one bag balanced on the scooter, while holding the other bag together, when the second handle on the bag tore off. Also, the bag that was balanced on the scooter was full of fruit, and so rather than staying still, the fruit would roll, knocking the bag off the scooter, allowing the fruit to roll out, causing me to gather them back up and put them back in the bag.

At this point I had to just balance a bag in each arm, as I walked the scooter back to my apartment. Once I was back at the apartment, I pulled up the bus schedules to see what bus I needed to take in order to get where I was going by around 5pm. As it turned out, the bus I wanted to catch was going to be at the stop near me in less than five minutes. So, I grabbed an apple from the bag, put my shoes back on, and rode out to the bus stop just moments before the bus arrived. As I stepped onto the bus, I started to send a message to Meghan letting her know that I was on the bus and would be at such-and-such intersection at a quarter after five, but as I was typing “quarter after five,” my cell phone shut down. I was going pretty far north, so I was on the bus for over an hour, without any way of contacting anybody. And I didn’t know how I would contact them when I got there, either, for while I had change that could be used in a pay phone, I had no way of looking up the phone number. Luckily when I got off the bus, I found an AT+T tech support type of place, and I went in to see if they had a phone that I could stick my sim card into so that I could look up the number. They didn’t, but they did have a battery that fit into my phone, so I was able to call Meghan, and shortly after that Sharrone picked me up, and we all went back to their new apartment to play guitar hero until it was time for the movie.

Also, I got some new shirts, cleaning supplies, wrapping paper, and air fresheners to make my apartment smell like fresh baked cookies, and a forest with freshly fallen snow. These tidbits would have fit into morning portion of today’s story, prior to the plan to go to Red Robin. I am now afraid for anyone who has to read this post, as I imagine it is probably a big jumble, as it contains bits and pieces all out-of-order. Oh well.

All in all, it was an enjoyable birthday. And I even got to have a big piece of delicious chocolate cake at the alamo. Hoorah. Yay for it being my birthday.

I don’t want to grow up
I’m a Toys R Us Kid!

Indeed, when I get back from Seattle, I’ll be starting up at Toys R Us. It’s only part time, so I’m still looking for additional jobs, but at least I won’t be completely unemployed. The interview was fun, too - first we had to design a toy and build it with legos, then go through the store to pick out what we thought was the ultimate toy bundle (unfortunately we had to give the toys back after the interview), and then make a grand oscar-style acceptance speech at the end. Working at Toys R Us during the Christmas season will be a crazy experience, but should at least produce some good stories.

Today I had an interview with Pluckers (a chicken wing place), but didn’t get that job because I don’t have the required two years of restaurant experience - which makes me wonder why they would call me in for an interview, since it was clear from my application that I didn’t have restaurant experience.

In more fun news, last night I went to see the Upright Citizens Brigade at the brand new Alamo Ritz (the Alamo downtown closed down during the summer, and just re-opened at the historic Ritz theater). It was a good show, although considering they’re a big-time famous group, I was expecting more. They did two long-form pieces, which I am usually a fan of, except that their long form was pretty much just a series of short scenes loosely relating to the original monologue - whereas in long-forms that I’ve seen in the past they start with a monologue based on a suggestion, and then go into short scenes that they then manage to intertwine into one hurricane of hilarity, there was none of that blending, with the exception of a couple cameos of earlier characters in later scenes. So, while it was a good show, I’ve seen better improv at Commedus or Dead Parrot shows. Oh well.

One of the highlights of the show was that I sat next to a girl who regaled me with tales of her travels around the country - she was from Maine, and was taking a quarter off of school so that she could travel around the country - apparently grey hound has some plan where you can get unlimited rides for a certain amount of time, so she’s hopping on busses and going all around. That’s the sort of thing I want to do some time.

In other travel news, I’m flying back to Washington next Thursday, so if you’re in Washington, let me know what’s going on.

That’s it for now. B’bye.

Here’s a bonus: the other day I decided to try arranging “Happy Happy, Joy Joy” for a barbershop group. There’s still work to be done to fix some of the chords, but here’s what it sounds like when my computer sings what I’ve got so far: http://nathanieljones.com/audio/hhjj.mp3

Are we nothin’? NO!

This blog-writer is on strike in solidarity with the WGA. Therefore, this post is being written by a scab. As soon as I figure out who it is, I will soak’em, Newsies-style.

In other writing news, two more articles I submitted to AC were denied upfront payment. Lame-o-rama! But the good news is that I put them up anyway, and for every thousand people that read them, I get $1.50, so I’ll be rollin’ in the dough in no time. The first article is a Great Helpfulness about how to find your pants in case you lose them, and the second is a Great Helpfulness about fire safety to help prevent future fire incidents such as those in Southern California. These two, along with the article of Great Helpfulness about surviving Halloween will sure to provide a valuable service to the public, as well as bringing in the big bucks. Win-win situation.

In other employment news, I’ve got two interviews planned from Monday - the first at Chiles, and the second at Toys R Us. Still waiting for word from Red Lobster and Pluckers about my applications there, so we’ll see what happens. My goal is to have a job lined up so that when I get back from Washington I’ll be able to start right-quick.

I’ve been having a splendid last few days. It’s been especially delicious, as I’ve started going back to Central Market for most of my food (when I first moved here that’s where I did all my shopping, but then I got lazy and went to the Randall’s which is a little closer), but now that I’ve gone back to Central Market I realize that it is definitely worth the extra effort. My delicious Halloween salad was a result of this, as was today’s mega feast of whole-wheat pasta with portabello mushrooms and spinach in a basil pesto sauce. Yummers.

In other news, tonight I went out bowling with Meghan and Sharrone and Lisa, and I discovered that I am as bad at bowling as ever (scored 51 points the first game and sixty-something the second). But it was still fun, and I had a white russian so I could be dude-like. And as a bonus, Sharrone bought me some quarter machine “bling” - it’s a little miniature spinning rim (that actually spins - fancy!) on a chain that just barely goes around my neck. There’s no doubt that the ladies will soon be going mad about it.

After bowling, we went to a restaurant called Jim’s, which is like a Texas-style Denny’s. I wasn’t much hungry after my feast earlier in the day, so I ordered the “Oreo Heaven” - what I imagined would be something similar to Oreo pies I’ve had in the past. But when it arrived, I was shocked to see that despite the title “Oreo Heaven” - with the Oreo logo in the title and everything - there was not a trace of Oreo in it. I had to check the menu, because I was sure he had brought out the wrong desert, but nope - the description of the Oreo Heaven was “Warm brownie topped with ice cream, smothered in hot fudge, nuts, and whipped topping.” Don’t get me wrong, it was a delicious brownie, but the name was very misleading. I wrote to the company to suggest that in the future they put a warning lable next to the Oreo Heaven that says “Warning! Contains no Oreo!”

As an end to this post, I leave you with some words of wisdom that I learned tonight: Move feet zero boards. Words to live by folks. Words to live by.

I was having a happy day today, but now I am sad because I just watched the The Colbert Report, where it was announced that Stephen Colbert was denied his rightful place on the presidential ballot. A dark day for America.

In other news, my Halloween safety article I wrote for Associated Content was denied upfront payment (despite the fact that they said “we believe it has social value and we would like to publish it.”), and so now I am free to post it here, even though it is a day too late to be very useful. However, on the plus side, you can read it now, and then use the knowledge you gain next Halloween.

It is Halloween time again, and as usual the kids will go door-to-door to exchange threats against personal property for small bits of chocolate. But uh-oh, that sweet treat is full of poison and razor blades! Darn! I hate when that happens!

The above was a true story, and I died while typing it. Luckily it’s that time of year when I can rise from the grave with little fuss-and-muss, and so I am able to continue writing this article of Extreme Helpfulness (upgraded from “great helpfulness” because of the life-and-death nature of it all) so that you can avoid my dreadful fate.

I don’t want to waste a lot of time here, as all of my ancestors are beckoning me towards that bright light over there, so I’ll just skip all the further ado and jump straight into my tips on how you can survive this deadly holiday.

First off, be careful when choosing a costume, as some are inherently safer than others. For example, if you are small boy and you dress as a pile of kindling and trick or treat in the middle of a campsite, there’s the increased danger that someone will set you on fire. For best results, consult with your friends so that you can avoid conflicts - for example, one year my friend Tim dressed as a dragon, while I dressed as a knight. And what happened? I slew him with my knight sword! A terrible, bloody act of violence that could have been avoided with proper planning.

As a side note about costumes, “knight” is always a good choice, because not only do you always win fictional battles, but should a bully try to steal your candy, you’re already battle-ready. Bonus!

Now that you’ve got your costume on, it’s best to be choosy about who you choose to trick-or-treat from. This technique varies from neighborhood to neighborhood, so for best results ask other trick-or-treaters for suggestions. They can usually point out the houses giving out the full-size candy bars (go to those houses early, before they run out), and which houses are giving out plastic baggies full of oatmeal (go to these houses early as well, or all of the good egg-throwing spots will be taken).

In general, the more halloween decorations somebody has up, the better the candy haul will be, so keep an eye out for brightly lit, elaborate displays, while avoiding people with the lights out, without so much as a measly spider web. But a side warning, make sure those bodies strewn on the lawn are an elaborate halloween display before knocking on the door - don’t make the same mistake my friend Tyler made: he walked into a yard full of decapitated bodies, and before he could say “trick or treat” the axe murderer added him to the pile. It was a terrible loss, because all of his candy got covered in blood and ruined. What a senseless waste.

Now that you’ve got a bag full of treats, it’s time to figure out which ones are safe to eat. Since you were smart about where to gather treats, you’ll mostly have good candy bars and such. But there are sure to be some deadly traps to avoid nonetheless. Some things to keep an eye out for:

1 - A knife sticking out of a piece of candy that does not normally list “knife” in the ingredients. These are dangerous, and could cut the top of your mouth if you eat it wrong!
2 - “Fun-Size” boxes of rat poison. If you eat this, you may die, because these boxes are intended for rats, and rats are violent creatures that will attack you if you steal their treats.
3 - Needles and razor blades. These are wonderful things to receive on halloween, because you can use them to sew a pair of pants, or shave (respectively). However, these are not edible, so don’t swallow them, or you won’t be able to get the full arts-and-crafts potential of them.
4 - Bible tracts. Some people don’t like Halloween, so instead of helpful things, they give out bible tracts. These will give you terrible paper cuts, and you will die. Don’t touch them! Danger! No!

Now that you’re done eating your treats, the only thing left to watch out for are vampires (use garlic and a wooden stake), werewolves (shoot with a silver bullet), zombies (shoot them in the head - don’t feed them brains), and ghosts (move to a house that wasn’t built on an ancient indian burial ground). And with that, you have all you need to survive Halloween. Enjoy!

My Halloween was a good one, although most of it took place over the weekend. For actual-halloween I dressed up as Rick Astley early in the day and walked around people-watching, did some grocery shopping and picked up ingredients to make an Amazing Salad for Special Occasions (mixed greens, crumbled gorgonzola, candied almonds, and dried cranberries) and ate it, and in the evening I ended up watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show at my apartment and then going to bed, as I was feeling too tired to go out and downtown-it-up.

All in all, a fully enjoyable Halloween week. And now that it’s over: Merry Christmas! Ho-ho-ho and such!